Pay Attention, Stupid

Google Home Page has been increasingly deficient in updating modules with new blog posts. I follow a collection of industry people who post daily and lately, some of their posts haven't been showing up until days later. That was another impetus for me to switch from LJ to Blogger. The Blogger Dashboard is much more effective at telling me when content is available. (I'm told it's the same thing as Reader, but I started with Google Homepage when I had a lot of non-blog modules included as well, but they have fallen away over the years.)

One such industry person is Jessica Faust from BookEnds, LLC, a literary agency I queried for BLACK MAGIC AND BARBECUE SAUCE. She posted her form rejection letter on her blog today, and I wanted to compare it to the one I received (identical, in case you were wondering). It struck me that it was only to BM&BBQ and not WCO. Why hadn't I queried her again?

So I went to her agent page and saw the reason. She only reps contemporary fantasy, which Black Magic was. Wanted is pure classic fantasy.

...

Now, if you've done your homework properly, you know I'm wrong. She reps contemporary, fantasy. That reads "contemporary [COMMA] fantasy"

You see, that comma was at the end of the line and I skipped right over it. Right over. Woosh! Here's an agent whose blog I follow daily (where I participate almost as frequently) who I could have queried MONTHS ago, but because I missed one stupid comma, I did not send her anything.

So the rule that says do your homework before querying an agent? Here's a sub-clause: Pay attention, stupid.


Oh yeah! While the above remains a smart lesson, in this case, the decision not to query was intentional. I read an interview with Jessica where she voiced a firm opinion of word counts, which WCO surpasses by 30,000+ words.

Hobo Writing

So I live in New Hampshire (Nashua). I work in Massachusetts (Boston). While this may seem extreme to drive from one state to another for someone living in the middle of a huge state (read any state not in New England, Delaware, Maryland, or Hawaii), it's not that far. I drive 20-30 minutes to the train station, take an hour long train ride, then a twenty minute subway ride and I'm just down the street from where I work. Sure, this is longer than any commute I've ever had in my life, but I love the company I work for, and it beats being unemployed.

The best part is the hour-long train ride. When people see me cranking 2000-4000 words five days a week every week, they say, "Wow you write so fast!" I don't think so. I just write two hours a day every day and that's what comes of it. (I also write on weekends, but usually only accomplish 1000 words a day or so.)

I always joke that if I am successful enough that I can write full-time, I would have to continue buying my rail pass and ride the trains all day while I write. Well, I have vacation all this week, and I decided to ride the rails like a hobo--a well dressed, showered, shaved, and equipped hobo.

So here's how it works. Take the train down to North Station, skip down to South Station, and the grab whatever train leaves next. Get off at the last destination my card gets me (not the destination station, which has an impact I discuss later), eat lunch, get back on the train, go back to South Station, and repeat until I get a full day's worth of work. Hobo Writing!

Now, I had another epiphany over the weekend so I have officially stopped work on JEHOVAH'S HITLIST and begun revising THE TRIAD SOCIETY. I forgot how flipping large the first two chapters are. I'll have to go over those again before I send them out and make sure I'm not world building too much too early. (And where the hell did all this passive voice come from?)

Here is what I learned:

  • When going off on adventure, be sure to fully charge your smart phone so you can take advantage of the miracle of modern technology, like GPs mapping and the Googles. Mistake #1
  • When I have consecutive days off, I always stay up late. I feel like I'm not maximizing my vacation time if I'm not staying up late. Don't ask me why this is, but this prevents me from getting an early and effective start. Mistake #2
  • Non-destination locations are commuter waypoints. They are oases of parking lots an factory buildings with little by way of food or even neighborhoods I feel comfortable walking around without a loaded pistol...okay, not even then.
  • Destination locations are much the same unless they are an Amtrak stop or a state capital (...which are Amtrak stops). I should have waited 15 more minutes and gone down to Providence. Mistake #3
  • Much like flying, riding a train all day is dehydrating. I don't know why, exactly, but it is. Certainly walking around Bridgewater State College (which is one big ass building and nothing by way of food) and then sitting for thirty minutes in the humidity didn't help. Mistake #4
  • When trekking to an unknown subway stop--say Kendall Square--three hours after lunch time, be sure to look in both directions before wandering off in search for food. There may have been a bar and grill right to your left. Mistake #5
  • When beholding manna from heaven that is food trucks, do not break down crying when you find the only ones still selling offer only soy burgers and fellafel.
  • Do not presume to understand Boston regardless of the years you've worked there or the frequency in which you've gotten lost in Southie. You have not seen Boston in its entirety until you've been to MIT (yes, pedagogues, it's not technically Boston. All of Eastern Massachusetts is Boston, so stuff it! :p).
  • Do not ask the woman carrying the bucket of ice-like substance and baster whether she's a good scientist or an evil scientist. You may not like her answer.
  • Watch all available seasons of Eureka before going to MIT. It will help prepare you.
  • The crazy lady having a meltdown on the platform to the Red Line should be sad, but given she's standing outside Mass General, it's okay to laugh. Medical treatment is within her grasp...and they can hear her, so they're probably already on the way.
  • When you finally get food and your hands are shaking because you're so hungry, do not gorge yourself on onion rings. The increased fat in your bloodstream will make you lethargic and your writing productivity will plummet. Mistake #6
  • Treat your return train ride home during rush hour like any other rush hour train. Get there in a reasonable amount of time else you won't get to write at all. Mistake #7
  • When driving home in the rain, do not leave adequate stopping distance between you and the car in front of you. That kind of thing is to assholes what shit is to flies.

Total revision work for today was 10,000 words. Not bad, but I think I could have done better if I had left during my normal time of 7am rather than 9. And if I had gone to Providence rather than Bridgewater. If I try again tomorrow, we'll see how far I get.

The Hard Part

I got a pass on WANTED: CHOSEN ONE, NOW HIRING today. This particular agent has looked at BLACK MAGIC AND BARBECUE SAUCE as well and is very good about giving feedback with rejections. What struck me today is that his comment was very similar to a comment Elizabeth Poole gave me when she beta-read the story.

Bastin is a more likable character than Nashau or Podome. This isn't disputed, trust me. Bastin is your classic high charisma, high energy flimflam man you find in many fantasy novels. That was one of the reasons he wasn't the main character. I've seen him before. Or at least, I've seen other characters with that attitude (Bastin keeps himself out of the cliche gutter, I think). And regardless, it wasn't his story I wanted to tell. It was Nashau's. It is a story about unemployment in a fantasy setting. I saw the story I wanted to tell and I told it.

But here is the feedback, this story would be better with Bastin as the main character. A story may be better with Bastin as the main character, but that story wouldn't be this story. And there's the hard part.

Completing a novel is difficult. Revising that novel is challenging. But rewriting the novel? That's flipping hard.

Revising makes a story better. It fixes flaws, improves weak structure to make it stronger. It's an essential element of professional writing. Rewriting is taking the fundamental aspects of a story: it's plot or theme or characters or setting, and telling a whole different tale.

Now, the agent did not say "If you rewrite this with Bastin as the main character, I will represent you" which saved me a lot of hand-wringing. But the implicit statement of "I'll look at this again" was (I think) there.

Since I received that email, I have pondered and pondered and pondered whether or not I could tell WANTED: CHOSEN ONE, NOW HIRING with Bastin as the sole main character rather than 1 of 4 (with Nashau being the primary main character of the group with Jara being second). The first half is easy. There's a lot of stuff early on with Nashau and Podome that could be cut. If they're not main characters, those chapters are unnecessary. But that leaves me with stuff later...well, those chapters balance because of the foundation I built with those early chapters. I don't think I can revise my way to a Bastin-centric story. I'm too attached to the story I told and still believe it is better the way it is.

What happens when this happens later? What happens when it's an editor and I'm contractually obligated to deliver and they say something like this? I'm terrified. I've always known it's a possibility, but was able to ignore it because I'm still looking for an agent. It's hard to stifle that gut reaction of, "No, it's better this way" just because that's the way you told it. Really, rewriting is asking for a different story than the one you've told but with the same stuff included. Ugh! That's so hard!

QUERY: JEHOVAH'S HITLIST (a draft)

Jehovah knows a secret. On Sundays when they parachute down the charity box, you can see where they open the sky to make the drop. The first one to the box gets the best charity: food rations, medicine, ammunition. Today all he needs is a new pair of shoes. He nabs himself a pair of boots made out of real leather, and he only has to kill one person to get them.

There's a list hidden inside one of the boots. Five names written on the back side of a bible cover. The list is branded with a noose. Those names are the means to deliver a message to the world up above. The Hanged Man says Jehovah is going to deliver a message for him or he'll kill Jehovah, his family, his friends, and his neighbors.

JEHOVAH'S HITLIST (or DOWN BELOW THE UP ABOVE) is a 100-000 word post-apocalyptic commercial fiction. The oceans have risen, nations have fallen, and the rich and powerful live in platforms in the sky. The rest live in ghetto cities below.

This will be my first novel publication. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Pre-Ponderance

This isn't a fully formed story idea, but something I wanted to write down for later. Today is my birthday (and if I weren't so tired, I had a completely different post I wanted to make but now I'm just going to go watch "Repo Men" instead). For my birthday, I went up to the White Mountains and went horseback riding. There is a ranch I've been to before (Rocky Ridge Ranch) and a horse I enjoy riding (Buddy).

We were walking along in the hotter-than-expected heat and I thought some people might feel bad for Buddy, having a few hundred pounds of saddle and human on his back. It wasn't like we were going much faster than I would have on foot. We're walking after all. But back in the day, it wouldn't be just me. It'd be all my gear too. Buddy was a Beast of Burden.

And that got me thinking. Where is Burden? Who are these beasts that live there? Are there any other similarly named locations? Could you be a Beast of Obligation? or a Beast of Obsession? Or do all the beasts come from Burden and you get something like trolls in Obsession? And why are these communities so homogeneous? Is there a segregation law that prevents beasts from living somewhere besides Burden?

And what's it like to live in Burden? It doesn't sound all that fun, really. Why doesn't anyone leave? Is it because the housing market is depressed? Or are beasts low wage-earners versus neighboring communities?

And for that matter, is Punishment a penal colony? It makes sense, given its name and all. But why do they only send fat people there? Or are they taking the broader definition of gluttony where the object is non-specific and it's simply the appetite that matters. Do the Greens from Envy take issue with how broadly gluttons are defined? Or do they have a summer home in Envy but winter in Punishment?

You Gotta Fight for Your Right...to Read?

I've offered tacit support of SPEAK during the flair-up against the comments made in Springfield last week. I didn't hop on the bandwagon and speak out against it for a couple reasons. First, I'm fat, and doubt I could hop on a bandwagon if I wanted to. Second, I don't think my message would reach anyone that could be swayed by anything I have to say.

Having lived various places in Missouri, the guy that said what he said will never be convinced of anything. Nor will his comments convince anyone that needed convincing. His fanatics already believe the swill he's spreading. My telling you how ridiculous his promotion of rape as sexuality wouldn't surprise you. You're a smart individual and already knew that.

I am going to make a comment tangential to the subject, though, where I think a reasonable discourse may change minds. When book "banning" (and those quotes are deliberate) comes up, it is inevitable that someone says that it's unconstitutional. First I'm going to tell you why it isn't. Second I'm going to tell you why you hurt the cause you're supporting by making that claim.

The book isn't being banned. It's being removed from the school and its curricula. A banned book would not be allowed to be printed or sold or owned. Congress (or even scarier the Executive or even scarier yet the Judiciary) would say, no more BREAK. We're old and dumb and scared of sex and any value BREAK brings to society is not worth our discomfort. It is forbidden! That is an infringement on speech. That's not what's happening here.

The school board is empowered by whatever body elects/appoints it (either the people or the municipality) to administer its schools. It can decide what books are and are not included in its curricula. This does not deprive the author of speech. The book is still printed and sold. Students are still able to purchase the book from bookstores. It just won't be part of their homework assignment.

Does this suck? Absolutely, for BREAK, SLAUGHTERHOUSE FIVE, FAHRENHEIT 451, and so many others. Is it wrong? I believe so. I think those books are relevant and worthwhile. But it's not unconstitutional. You want to make a big impact? Skip the incredibly passive "Speak Out" skin on your twitter icon and instead do the very active vote in your next school board election. Question the candidates about the issue and elect people who understand the value of these books and want to see them in our schools.

...okay, add the skin too, but only after you've made a difference in your local community.

Now, why is saying its unconstitutional a bad thing? It creates a reverse straw man argument. Douchebag McAsshole says rape is sexual and bad for kids (I say rape is bad for kids, but that's beside the point). He says we're going to ban the book. You say, you can't do that, it's unconstitutional! You are incorrect. What you've done is given him the opportunity to disprove your argument rather than defending his own. He doesn't need to explain why he thinks rape is sexual (eww), he just has to show how what he proposes is legal.

Which it is. Not only does he not have to defend himself, he will defeat you in the argument you're making. This is not how to defeat Douchebag McAsshole. And we want to defeat Douchebag McAsshole. We want to defeat him very much.

QUERY: THE TRIAD SOCIETY (a draft)

Part of the webinar I posted about earlier is a query critique. I've already queried out BM&BBQ and WCO, so it's time to bite the bullet on TTS. Below is a first draft query letter. Your constructive feedback is greatly appreciated.


Otwald d'Kilrachen intervenes when Torvald d'Bluefire's dissolution of an affair turns violent. Otwald delivers Torvald to the authorities and sends the injured woman to the hospital. But when she never arrives, Torvald accuses him of kidnapping her, the Princess Annelie. On the run, Otwald searches a city fractured into rival societies. He must find Princess Annelie and exonerate his name, but in so doing, may spark a revolution.

THE TRIAD SOCIETY is a 95,000-word light-steampunk/fantasy. This will be my first novel publication.

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Otwald wants nothing more than to live his life as a count's son should, with honor, duty, and service. He sees the kingdom crumbling under the weight of its own bureaucracy, the capital breaking into rival factions, and wonders if his family is to blame. They control the garrison. His brother lead the soldiers during the massacre at Kester Square. And they murdered him for it.

Mourning the death of his brother, Otwald intervenes when he sees three nobles attacking a young woman. A nobleman should know better. A nobleman should act better. He defeats them all, turns them into the authorities, and sends the woman off to the hospital. The legal bureaucracy is turned against him. He must find the woman to exonerate himself, but she never made it to the hospital. To find her, he may strike the spark that finally ignites revolution.

THE TRIAD SOCIETY is an 85,000-word light-steampunk fantasy with series potential. This would be my first novel publication.

An Incredible Opportunity!

Kristin Nelson, founder and queen bee of Nelson Literary Agency has just turned it up to 11. Thursday, September 30th, in conjunction with Writer's Digest, she is hosting a webinar on improving your SF/F queries. It's as if she's been reading my journal! (Um...high Kristin!) Yes yes yes! This is totally for me. I'm always skeptical of classes and seminars. Who are these people and what makes them qualified?

Well, I know exactly what makes Kristin qualified. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Of all the agents who keep an active web presence on the web, none of them have more accurately articulated the direction epublishing is moving or the challenges that creates for authors and their representatives.

If you have $89 or a credit card with $89 left on it, sign up for this. Her input is worth every penny.

The Impotence of Proofreading of Proofreading

For those of you who do not know, my day job is in publishing as well. I commute to Boston (writing the majority of my manuscripts on the train in and out of the city) and toil away in a cube for a major publisher. This is not the first publisher I've worked for. The formula I put forward is: take the decade of your age (I turn 33 this Saturday, so my decade is 3), subtract 1, and that's how many publishers you've worked for. This holds true a ridiculous amount of the time. Publishing is an incredibly incestuous business.

Oh so long ago (going on 8 years now), I began in book production. These are the people who actually manage the typesetting and printing of your book. When you miss your deadline, it isn't your editor that makes up that time. No, it's the project manager that has to maintain your pub date with half as much time. Keep that in mind next time you're missing your deadline. If they have to make the same date, that means they have to cut things out (like proofreading, and let me tell you, that's one of the first things to get cut).

Anyway, I bring this up because I was ruminating on life as a lowly Associate Project Manager. My boss, in an effort to maintain the type of publishing she started in (back when leading meant something more than just a value entered in InDesign/Quark) made me proofread everything that came across my desk. We started with the red pen and then moved on to Track Changes in Word. I'm getting close to "graduating" and getting to act like a modern project manager and not the old-style project editor (a style the company had only just abandoned and which many publishers still use today despite the cost savings of using freelancers). I turn over a Word file. I've put a lot of spit and polish into this thing. I've used the company's style sheets (with the most bizarre rules for commas) and gone over it with a fine-toothed comb. This is a winner.

"Are you sure this is final? You're done with it?"

"Yes," I say with confidence--a confidence I gripped like a vice before it flee from that discerning stare she'd use on me.

She hits F7. I always forgot F7 is the hotkey for Word's spelling and grammar check. Really, I forgot about Word's spelling and grammar checker. I never used the thing because it always caught so many words that were actually words that it felt like a waste of time.

Wouldn't have been a waste that time. The thing didn't even get off the first page when it caught an error. She looked up at me, discerning turning to withering. Was that the end? Oh no, we went through the entire document, one error after another to show me how much I still sucked.

Being a fantasist, you can imagine how difficult spell check is (especially using OpenOffice, which has some pretty basic words missing from its dictionary). Fantastical names, places, monsters. Weapons that haven't been used for a thousand years or never at all on this world. Spell check seems like a headache. But let me tell you, friend, it's a worthwhile headache. It'll save you embarrassment down the line. Let my early publishing shame serve as a lesson for all: F7.

But how, Joe? you might ask. How can you ask us to wade through all those errors-that-are-not-errors? Because, I answer, you will create a dictionary for your wip.

Most word processors use a standard dictionary. Do NOT just add wip-specific words to this default dictionary. These words may be similar to real words that you may misspell later. Or they may be similar to other words you create for other wip and then everything goes to hell. No, sir, you're going to create a new dictionary for each manuscript you write (with a handy exception mentioned below). If you're using Word, a new dictionary is a copy of the default plus any new words you add. You can name this dictionary whatever you want. Hence, if I wrote in word, the dictionary I would currently be using would be "Jehovahs_Hitlist" or something along that line. When you click on a word marked as an error and say to add to the dictionary, it gives you a choice of which dictionary to add it to. When you are done with the wip, you can then change your Word processor back to the default dictionary.

This is one of the places where OpenOffice really shines. Rather than duplicating the default dictionary, you can choose which dictionaries are active at any time. Thus, "Jehovahs_Hitlist" is only the words I add for that manuscript (and I can go into that list and edit/delete terms as I choose). For series works, you can have have a series dictionary rather than a per-wip dictionary OR you can have individuals. Then, when events from those separate works collide later down the road, you can turn on and off the dictionaries relevant to the work you're creating. (OO also maintains the "ignore all" list even after you've shut down the program, so you don't have to do it all again when you restart later like you do for Word.)

What this gets you is that when you F7, you'll find genuine misspelled words, and your document will be all the cleaner for the effort (not to mention a list of all the custom words you created for your wip that you can then add to your stylesheet for the copyeditor to reference). Now, spellcheck isn't the end-all/be-all. Homonyms and Homophones still lurk within your pages along with the errant auto-correct-to-new-error. Always check your work before you send it off to beta readers or agents. You don't want to end up being this guy. When you finally send it off, it'll be much better for your effort.

Query Doldrums

I've pretty much known what was wrong with THE TRIAD SOCIETY since I finished the first draft of the manuscript. It's taken all this time to articulate what's wrong with it, but there is a reason I did not launch immediately back into revision. There was something seriously wrong. I knew it. And I needed to be able to say what it was before I started revising.

The setting sucks. You would think this to be a hard thing to have happen given I'm writing TTS in the same setting as WANTED: CHOSEN ONE, NOW HIRING. I've already built the setting, how could it suck? Well, for starters, that book isn't published. It's written but there's nothing to say it'll ever see the light of day. So here I am writing another story assuming that WCONH has already been read? Ridiculous. Not that I did that too much because TTS is set on the opposite side of the Crescent Sea. It's a pre-steampunk society. Very different from Andaria in the east.

But that wasn't all. There were scenes from my original concept of the story that never made it into the finished draft but should have. Perhaps not where I thought they'd go, but they need to be in there. The pacing is too fast and too many things happen in convenient successive order and all these things could happen anywhere because I haven't given any consideration to the setting and how it would affect people's decisions.

In summation? It's pale. It's a pale representation of a story that should be flush with depth and description.

I've started noting specific instances that I made a mistake and how to correct them. I'm getting exciting about the story again because I think I can fix it and make it awesome and people will love it and that would be awesome. WHEEEE! When I get excited, I start thinking of what comes next in the process. I thought it would be fun (and helpful) if I wrote a query for THE TRIAD SOCIETY and through it up here for criticism. Certainly it would be good to get a few drafts under my belt before I start the process in earnest. (And yes, I'm aware of the query forums on Nathan Bransford's boards but have had mixed results with the comments posted in response.)

So I began to craft my query. I've already done one (terrible) query for this manuscript, so perhaps I could build off that failure. ...god I hate querying. All that excitement over getting back to this ms has totally evaporated. I hate writing queries. I am so ridiculously bad at it. The male hero rescues the princess? Really? That's the trite you want to send in buster? Well no, that's not really story. Sure sounds like the story. It's more nuanced than that. Nuanced my ass, you just wrote a rescue the princess damsel in distress story. Get out of here hack.

Sigh. Another reason I want an agent who I will work with for a long time? As soon as I get one, I never want to query again. Ever.

So no, no query for TTS today. It's for the best. I would not want to violate rule number 1 (only work on one ms at a time and don't switch until the first draft is complete). Still, I was excited for a little bit.

Have Fun Storming the Castle

Current, non-syndicated television runs in 30 or 60 minute time slots. Of those slots, the actual program will run 20-22 minutes or 42-44 minutes respectively. Its this constraint that allows a writer--if he or she so wishes to apply herself--to know the plot, the outcome, and the bad guy (if you're watching one of the myriad procedural dramas currently on television) long before the show reaches the reveal. Often, you can know all of it within the first few minutes.

Why does the timing make a difference? Because of the other rules. You cannot have a reveal with something that hasn't already been introduced in the episode. The doorman can't have killed the young starlet if he hasn't already had some speaking lines. The audience is given the chance to figure it out. And since we write for a living, that means we balance all the other demands of story in our heads, pacing, motivation, the twist, etc.

One would think that being able to figure out a television show so early in the program would defeat the fun. And if a show is done poorly, it absolutely does. But, I am not a book snob. I like television and movies and theatre. I like visual storytelling as much as (more than?) written storytelling. I don't just have a creative writing degree. I have a playwriting degree as well.

The reason this comes to mind at the moment is because I just finished watching the season 3 opener for "Castle." Like so many of its audience, I came to the show for Nathan Fillion being nothing short of a "Firefly" fanatic. The chemistry between all the leads is what brings me back, the witty yet warm voice the show has crafted for itself. The first fifteen seconds of the season opener made me shout GOO! when it cut to black. Of course, I already knew the twist and knowing the twist made me know the whodunnit when introduced. But who cares? When a show can make you shout GOO! it's worth watching, even if you already know what's going to happen.

I keep a list of recommendations on my website that includes TV shows I watch (or did watch when they were on, *sniff* I miss you Firefly *sniff*...okay, I didn't see that until it was on DVD, which is good because I got to watch it in order). I've been debating updating that list to make it more current.

Last season's offering of NCIS was dismal, the worst of the series run, and I don't know if I can bring myself to go back. I'll give it a shot with the season opener, but I'm not holding my breath (forgive me, Gibbs).

Chuck is luring me back with season 4 even though I skipped season 3.

With Numb3rs gone (it never recovered from constantly losing the female lead other than Navi Rawat [helllooooo nurse!]) and most of the other network fare looking lame or contrived (despite the various geek-themed shows which I suspect will come off condescending, though I admit to not having watched any of them).

I have increased my cable viewing now that they're streaming or releasing on DVD. Stargate: Universe has hooked me hard where I was never interested in the previous two series.

Psych continues to please, though I wonder if it peaked in season 3.

Eureka is a pleasant new discovery, but I've burned through the first three seasons and now have to wait. *pout*

I had been watching Leverage, but they used the "jealous triangle" early in season 3 and I hate that plot line.

So, this is a healthy list, more TV than I've watched since I first returned to the small screen (I had given it up for four years but the ad for Numb3rs and the discovery of NCIS season 2 pulled me back in). My wife and I usually watch an episode to destress at the end of the day. Neither of us want television to consume our evenings from activities we find more rewarding.

But for all that, and for knowing the stories usually as soon as they start, these shows have established a voice or present their characters in such a way that I want to keep coming back regardless.

How about you? When you're not reading or writing, what kind of stories do you fill your time with?

(Anyone that mentions reality TV gets slapped. We're talking storycraft here, people!)

(As a note, I've decided to separate reality TV like any show with the name Jersey in it from the post-modern gameshow. I really enjoy the skill that goes into competitions like "So You Think You Can Dance." If the hosts and the judges weren't so obnoxious, I might watch.)

Per Your Request...A LIST!

The ladies over at Coffey. Tea. And Literary have started a meme. I have 25 minutes to kill at work, and thus will fill that time with this meme rather than being productive.

1. If you could have a superpower, what would you have? Why?
I would be a cypher. I would speak every language ever created. I would be able to speak to everyone everywhere, read ancient texts, hack computers, solve every math equation ever, and break every code created. I may not be all flashy like Wolverine with metal bones, but I'd kick so much more ass.

2. Who is your style icon?
Ummm...JC Penny?

3. What is your favorite quote?
I have two quotes tattooed on my arms ("The righteous must be bold as a lion" and "Drop the truth like a hammer") so you would think it would be one of them. It is not. It is an exchange between Alice and the Cheshire Cat:

    One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take? she asked." "Where do you want to go?" was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

4. What is the best compliment you've ever received?
Your voice is like liquid sex.

(I may have received others, but come on, how can that one be topped?)

5. What playlist/cd is on your ipod/cd player right now?
My Palm Pre is currently loaded with KoRn, Norah Jones, Metallica, Pomplamoose, Dry Kill Logic, Louis Armstrong, Flight of the Conchords, and The Distillers

6. Are you a night owl or a morning person?
If left to my own devices, I stay up late. Then I accomplish absolutely nothing because I'm exhausted all the time. If I get up at 6 in the morning, I can accomplish anything.

7. Do you prefer dogs or cats?
Cats. Write a story about a dog displaying greater-than-animal intelligence that saves a human, and you know it's fiction because the dog displays greater-than-animal intelligence. Write the same story about a cat an you know it's fiction because the cat saves the human.

I respect that power.

8. What is the meaning behind your blog name?

Well, I'm me. And I write.

I've had two previous blog names ("The Charlie Brown Show" and "Brick City Creations") neither of which were very useful at creating a brand for my writing. So, short and to the point. Bam, here I am and here's what I do.

JEHOVAH'S HITLIST (Chapter 1 excerpt)

Since Blogger decided "schedule" meant "post now," MSM part 2 was posted yesterday. Now, this being a journal and not a blog, I could totally go today without posting and that would be okay. But things are about to get busy for me at work. (Granted, it's a new department and from what I can see, their definition of busy isn't the same as my previous department's definition of busy. Time will tell on that one.) Given the pending absence of content as I fill the digital bookshelves with content that isn't mine (alas!), I thought I would do something I used to do much more frequently...AN EXCERPT CHAPTER!

My current WIP is almost a post-apocalpytic sci-fi but given the setting is so self-contained, it's hard to see it as post-apocalpytic or sci-fi. It is, though. Sort of. JEHOVAH'S HITLIST could be a YA novel if not for the guns and violence and drugs and profanity and sex... Like all my excerpts, this is a first draft. Comments and criticisms are still welcome.


1

Some say it was the industrial revolution. Some say it was the three-car garage. Some say it was this or that rigged election or this or that unsigned treaty. Some say it was the Reciprocity Act. But let me tell you, the day the first Dutchman showed up on the Ivory Coast with a bottle of whiskey was the day the world began to end.

All but for the want of shoes. Jehovah looked at the street ahead of him, trash strewn from either gutter and up the walls to his knees, greasy paper rolling with the wind like tumbleweeds. One broken bottle, one bent needle, and he would have to crawl back to Missouri Avenue before the jackals found him. He looked at his bare feet, the soles stained black from walking barefoot half-way across the Nation, all the way to Wyoming Avenue. He would have skipped this drop all together if someone hadn't stolen his shoes.

He looked up at the sky. The daylight array buzzed, clunked, and moved to third position, full light just after dawn. A permanent enumeration of passage of time, the array showed that it was eight in the morning. The center lamp, the sun lamp, shone so brightly as to color the sky yellow, but if Jehovah squinted just so, he could see the silver glint of the lamps in twenty-sixth position. That was how he knew where to go. That was why his family didn't starve.

The weekly drop always came on Sunday. Charity was a Christian duty, after all. But never at the same time and never in the same place. The boxes dropped at random times and from random locations to avoid territorial buildup of gangs near a designated drop zone.

Most people didn't look up. What was there to look up to? The sun lamp? One could hear it change position and did not actually need to look at it to know the time. The brightness of the sky? It was the same brightness every day of the year, half-brightness on days it rained. To know the weather? It rained six hours a day for three days in intervals of fifteen days. There was no reason to look up.

Which is why no one ever noticed that, if one squinted, one could see the array lamp pulled out of position on Sundays to allow for the drop. It took the drop boxes five minutes from launch to parachute deployment to touchdown. No one could travel across the Nation in that amount of time. Whoever was the closest to the drop got the best pick of the charity, food, clothes, medicine, machine parts. More than he could carry, but today he just wanted shoes.

Jehovah pushed junk to the side as he walked. He'd need a clear path to run through before the jackals made their way here. Paper, rotten food, dirty diapers, warped cans home to swarms of cockroaches. No glass, no syringes, no broken knife points, or hidden bear traps. He would grab the charity, run over to West Virginia Avenue, work his way up to Charleston Park and put on his shoes there. The jackals would head straight for Cheyenne Park where the charity would land. Put on his shoes, lay low, and once they passed, make his way back to Missouri as quick as a rat.

Park buildings were always the worst, burnt out shells from the charity riots of '77, piles of brick where the support beams had already given out, or asylums for the marginalized. It was a special sort of crazy that grew marginalized in the Nation. They sat up there and raped small children they stole off the streets or built sniper nests to wound people at the charity boxes and leave them for the jackals.

Jehovah stood at the end of the alley, Cheyenne park opening up in front of him, and looked up. The building on his left still had its roof. The gutters and been ripped off and repurposed by the tinkers long ago. The building on his right was an uneven curve of bricks. The building was falling in on itself.

He stuck his head out, counted out a full second, then pulled it back in. Enough time for any snipers in the area to notice him without the time needed to put a bullet in his head. He popped back out and immediately pulled back in and waited for the gunshot. Nothing. One more time for good measure, out and in. He waited, his back pressed up against the wall but not too firmly. Once he saw an entire building fall on top of someone that pressed too hard against a wall.

Still no gunshot. Jehovah stuck his head out and took a look. The windows were empty. No barrels sticking out. A smart sniper would keep his gun inside the building. Asylum squatters weren't smart, they were crazy. They wanted you to know they were there. They're own little cat and mouse game. Sick fucks.

The park was just as empty. Two square blocks of open concrete, ramps, rounds, benches and foundations for contraptions meant for children to play on. Metal contraptions, so long since picked clean and repurposed along with the metal sculptures of things called trees. Jehovah wasn't sure why anyone would space in a park for trees, but Old Hobbe said all parks had to have trees.

Cheyenne Park went all the way to the outer wall of the Nation. None that Jehovah knew had ever been out that far. He had no fancy to try. He was here for shoes and maybe some quick swag he could trade to the Mississippi Avenue boys. They'd had a hard time of it ever since the deputies strung up their leader, Pap. They'd give generous terms for dehydrated potatoes or Tang.

Jehovah debated whether he should find some place in the park to hide or make a run for it once the box dropped. It would be a longer run if he stayed here. Any Wyoming Avenue boys nearby might beat him to the charity. But if he went out there, every sniper about would know where he hid and wait for him to come back out.

Course, after all that back and forth, any of them paying attention knew where he was already. He should probably go an alley or two down and come on again from a different angle. He could make it to the first round, one of those half-bowl things in the park that Old Hobbe said were made for running. One runs in a circle and that's fun. Jehovah ran plenty in the Nation already, from deputies and jackals and the gangs from Kansas Avenue. He didn't see how running in a hole in the ground could be fun. About as useful as trees, he thought.

An air horn blew so loud as to make the dead crawl out of the crematoriums and come see what all the ruckus was about. Jehovah flinched despite the fact that he had been waiting for that horn. He looked up at the array. No need to squint now. The silver rim of the lamp that had brought him twenty-seven blocks across the Nation to Wyoming Avenue was gone and a big black rectangle made a hole in the sky.

He looked over his shoulder. No one there. Out to the park. No one there either. He fingered the holster on his thigh despite himself. The pistol was loaded, the strap buttoned over the grip so his weapon didn't fall out on the run. Old Hobbe said not to go around with a round chambered, but he hadn't been on the street since before Jehovah was born. He didn't know what it was like nowadays. Keep a round in the chamber or the other guy shoots first.

A second air horn. Jehovah didn't jump this time. That was the “okay, we gave you time to get out of the way; here it comes” horn. Something moved in the black hole in the sky. A gray box, fifteen by thirty, free-fell from the hole.

“One, two, three...” Jehovah knew he should keep quiet, but he lost track when he counted in his head. Counting out loud helped. Count to forty-five. If one didn't see a chute by forty-five, get the hell out of the way.

“Thirty-one, thirty—there you are.” The white parachute flooded open and the box stopped its plummet with a jerk. It floated down toward the park, rocking back and forth as it came.

Jehovah took a cautious step out. He jumped to the left, but no bullets came, no gunfire echoed across the concrete landscape. The parachute caught a high wind and drifted toward the west side of the park. It spun in a fast circle, tying the parachute into knots so the big white cloth grew smaller and smaller. The box began to fall faster and faster.

Cautious steps turned into a jog turned into a run. With a drop like that, anyone waiting to see where the box landed could guess well enough. He needed to get and get going.

He weaved around ramps covered with bits of dried, shredded leather and metal wheels so warped that not even the tinkers bothered with them. Old Hobbe said they were called bicycles. Jehovah had gotten a spoke through the foot three years back. If he hadn't got some medicine, the lockjaw would have broke his back. He stayed away from bicycles now, medicine or no. That wasn't a memory he was like to forget.

Still no gunshots. He had gotten lucky with the squatters. Lucky with the park, too. Nothing on the other side of Wyoming Avenue. The jackals only had one direction to come from. Not the usual crush when everyone comes from every which way. A ramp to his right was covered with the usual detritus, wrappers and boxes and the like but no bicycles. Jehovah ran up and spared a quick look behind.

His luck didn't last long. A casper ran from the south side of the park. Just one with his head sticking out a hole in a white bed sheet. It bunched up between his legs, making it hard to run, but he had shoes on. Between the two of them, they kept an even pace toward the west side of the park.

Jehovah didn't know caspers to go anywhere alone. If there was one, there were half a dozen more nearby. The Wyoming Avenue Ghosts always traveled in packs. He sprinted off the ramp and continued west. His head bobbed up and down, look at the path ahead, look at the box.

He had crossed most of the park. The outer wall rose up in front of him, the faded blue and brown of a manufactured horizon obviously faded on its brick surface. The wall stood at least a hundred feet with no noticeable means of ascending or passing through it. If the drop box landed on the opposite side, the charity wold be lost to the desolation beyond. It happened sometimes.

The drop box did not fall outside the city, but neither did it fall in. It landed jackknifed on the side of the wall. The doors burst open and the charity spilled down like rain.

Jehovah looked to his left. The casper was still a couple hundred feet away. Jehovah waded into the charity, doing his best to avoid the shrapnel from the damaged box or the remnants of the more fragile charity that broke when it struck the pavement. He grabbed a medicine pack when he saw one. The vials were packed in a secure foam that hopefully cushioned them on the fall. He grabbed a canister of ammunition. No reason to let someone else have that. Then he dove into the clothes.

Spools of thread, needs scattered all about, sheets of cotton, then the few pre-made items included as well. Reusable diapers for babies, wraps for toddlers to wear like a skirt while they grew so rapid as to make pants worthless. Then the shoes, boots mostly, six pair, enough to let him be choosy if he wanted.

Jehovah looked to the south and grabbed the first pair he could. The casper was too close to worry about—well that pair was obviously too small. He wouldn't fit in them even if he curled his toes. He tossed them back on the ground and began to rummage for a more suitable pair. He reached slow with his right hand and unbuttoned his holster.

Jehovah found a better pair. He held them up to his feet to be certain. Better still, they were stuffed full of socks. He couldn't remember the last time he had worn socks. He looked in a couple other pairs and took those socks too. Something share with the family.

“Stop!” The casper closed on him, slowing to a walk until only ten feet separated the two of them. He pointed a double-barrel shotgun right at Jehovah.

“Go on and put all that down,” he said.

“I got what I need. You're welcome to the rest,” Jehovah said. The ammunition sat between his feet with the medicine on top. The boots were in his left hand and he made no sign to set them down.

“Rightly I am. I'm welcome to it all.”

“We're all alone and all your jawjacking just gives the jackals time to get here and spoil your take,” Jehovah said. “First to the claim, first to pick. Nothing here says otherwise.”

“This here shotgun says otherwise.” The ghost turned his gun sideways and pushed it forward to make his point. Jehovah drew and fired. He put three rounds into the casper and the ghost went down. He ran over and put one more in his head. He grabbed the shotgun, tucked it under his arm, picked up the medicine and ammunition and ran.