Eric is on vacation this week, so I wrote a guest post at Pimp My Novel. You should go check it out.
We have the tools! We have the talent!
My wife got me what could be the greatest stocking stuffer of all time.
Yes, that is the greatest utensil ever made, the spork. But it's not just any spork. It's a titanium spork.
That's right. Titanium.
Now you may ask yourself, why would anyone need a titanium spork? And I would say to you, don't be so short sighted! What happens if a madman initiates an armageddon clock right in the middle of a meal time. You need something to jam into the gears to stop them from turning. Will your pathetic stainless steel spoon/fork combination work? No. Plasticwear? Not at all! You need something strong enough to cause those gears to stop turning and collapse the entire diabolical machine.
And what would that be?
Titanium baby. Titanium1. My spork will save the world someday.
1 While I was not always on the titanium bandwagon, when I had trouble finding a wedding band, the jeweler suggested I try a titanium ring and it was perfect. I have since seen the majesty2 of titanium. I am prepared for our clockwork doom and will rise to the occasion when it occurs!
2 By majesty, I mean that should the ring ever be crushed in a horrible traffic accident, the EMTs will have to cut off my finger because they do not have the tools to cut through a titanium ring. If that isn't awesome, I don't know what is.
Yes, that is the greatest utensil ever made, the spork. But it's not just any spork. It's a titanium spork.
That's right. Titanium.
Now you may ask yourself, why would anyone need a titanium spork? And I would say to you, don't be so short sighted! What happens if a madman initiates an armageddon clock right in the middle of a meal time. You need something to jam into the gears to stop them from turning. Will your pathetic stainless steel spoon/fork combination work? No. Plasticwear? Not at all! You need something strong enough to cause those gears to stop turning and collapse the entire diabolical machine.
And what would that be?
Titanium baby. Titanium1. My spork will save the world someday.
1 While I was not always on the titanium bandwagon, when I had trouble finding a wedding band, the jeweler suggested I try a titanium ring and it was perfect. I have since seen the majesty2 of titanium. I am prepared for our clockwork doom and will rise to the occasion when it occurs!
2 By majesty, I mean that should the ring ever be crushed in a horrible traffic accident, the EMTs will have to cut off my finger because they do not have the tools to cut through a titanium ring. If that isn't awesome, I don't know what is.
The Easiest Way to Give
So you lost your job and you haven't had an interview in months but you still splurged on presents for the kids because you can't stand to think of them crying in front of the tree. You think to yourself, I don't have any money to give to a charity.
Well, Nathan Bransford is holding the easiest flipping charity known to man. Post on his blog and he'll donate a dollar for each post up to $1000.
Go say thank you, earn a dollar for Heifer International, a rocking charity that me and my wife also give to, and keep other kids from crying on Christmas too.
Go. Now.
Well, Nathan Bransford is holding the easiest flipping charity known to man. Post on his blog and he'll donate a dollar for each post up to $1000.
Go say thank you, earn a dollar for Heifer International, a rocking charity that me and my wife also give to, and keep other kids from crying on Christmas too.
Go. Now.
Cover Cover Cover
I love me some covers. Until I have an actual published book to pimp in the Inkwell, I put up those books that I have finished a first draft on. But to be put up, they must have a cover. We will not have text about books that do not accompany covers!
It's not a rule. I just love covers.
So after wading through some severe Obama hate by googling guns and bibles, I managed to find a picture I could repurpose for my own design. I present to you, the placeholder cover for JEHOVAH'S HITLIST1.
1 That whole section will be rebuilt into something a marketing professional would approve of once I have something to market. For now that stuff is there to designate that area as a place to learn about the work I am finishing (unlike the Queue, which may have something with some or no word count for years on end--which it does).
It's not a rule. I just love covers.
So after wading through some severe Obama hate by googling guns and bibles, I managed to find a picture I could repurpose for my own design. I present to you, the placeholder cover for JEHOVAH'S HITLIST1.
1 That whole section will be rebuilt into something a marketing professional would approve of once I have something to market. For now that stuff is there to designate that area as a place to learn about the work I am finishing (unlike the Queue, which may have something with some or no word count for years on end--which it does).
Time Out
I have two thousands words left before I complete JEHOVAH'S HITLIST. I just bought SHADOWHEART, the fourth and final volume of the Shadowmarch Tetralogy written by my favorite author, Tad Williams. This is a time for writing and reading a big ass book.
...yet SHADOWHEART sits on my table (damn that thing is heavy to carry) and I haven't opened my computer since yesterday morning. Why?
A book came out earlier this year, MOCKINGJAY by Suzanne Collins. The tweet-o-sphere erupted in various expostulations of worship. No genre is more represented on Twitter (or the internet, really) than YA, and there was no one that didn't love this series. I'm not a big YA reader myself, limiting that to Rawling and Hardy and that's about it. So when I see such a one-sided outpouring, I tend to stay away. Especially since a lot of the outpouring began with agents. Popular online agents tend to have a trail of sycophants behind them, so I find their corroboration of the agent's opinion to mean little.
Then a few actors hired a production company to film them in an 8-minute trailer in hopes of landing parts in the forthcoming movie. This trailer spoke to me. I downloaded the book preview (a genuine previous and not some front matter plus two pages crap I so often find) and immediately bought the book.
Dude!
DOOD.
Finishing a novel? That can wait. SHADOWHEART? That thing weighs a lot. Why wasn't there an ebook?
THE HUNGER GAMES by Suzanne Collins? Believe the hype. This thing is good.
...yet SHADOWHEART sits on my table (damn that thing is heavy to carry) and I haven't opened my computer since yesterday morning. Why?
A book came out earlier this year, MOCKINGJAY by Suzanne Collins. The tweet-o-sphere erupted in various expostulations of worship. No genre is more represented on Twitter (or the internet, really) than YA, and there was no one that didn't love this series. I'm not a big YA reader myself, limiting that to Rawling and Hardy and that's about it. So when I see such a one-sided outpouring, I tend to stay away. Especially since a lot of the outpouring began with agents. Popular online agents tend to have a trail of sycophants behind them, so I find their corroboration of the agent's opinion to mean little.
Then a few actors hired a production company to film them in an 8-minute trailer in hopes of landing parts in the forthcoming movie. This trailer spoke to me. I downloaded the book preview (a genuine previous and not some front matter plus two pages crap I so often find) and immediately bought the book.
Dude!
DOOD.
Finishing a novel? That can wait. SHADOWHEART? That thing weighs a lot. Why wasn't there an ebook?
THE HUNGER GAMES by Suzanne Collins? Believe the hype. This thing is good.
Hellllooooooooo Nurse!
What's that? Julia Stiles is in an ad for Stoli vodka, and she's plastered all around Boston North Station?
What's that? My train is boarding?
Ummmm, I think I'll take the next one. I could sit here awhile longer.
The Tlot Thickens
As I mentioned on Friday, my productivity fell to shit when I joked about being the anonymous subject of an agent's impending rejection. I checked my email over and over and over again until the day came to a close, and it was time to go home.
Of course, there was no rush to go home since my wife was in New Brunswick. I decided instead to walk across Boston Common and take in a movie at the AMC1, 2. When the movie was over, I bust out my Palm Pre (smart phone of champions) and check my email to see if my wife had the results of her competition3. She had not, but the agent had.
OH NO! The rejection, it came! Calm down Mr. Pessimist. Maybe they're asking for a full. Ha! Yeah right! This is the agency that holds my personal record for fastest rejection to a query ever4. Of course it's a rejection.
Walking out of the theater, I open my email...
A REQUEST FOR A FULL!!!!!!
Now, I could in all haste send them the finished manuscript. I'm a professional. I wasn't so foolish as to start all this without finishing my work. BUT, this is a big flipping deal. When once this blog held a list of agents I wanted to work with, these people ranked number one. You don't just send a manuscript all willy nilly because they want to see it. You go back over that shit and make it shine like a diamond, like your combat boots with the drill sergeant waiting to look at them. You'll be able to see your reflection in this manuscript when I'm done with it.
So I go back over it. Again. All weekend, this is what I did. I sat in front of my computer, and I pored over this thing to find every typo and unnecessary past progressive verb. Moreover, the super fabulous awesome Elizabeth Poole, beta reader extrodinaire, went back over it in a single day to offer me new comments. (My favorite of her comments was "The tlot thickens!" Of course, this was followed by my own typo, "What he wouldn't give for a clean shit." Awe yeah. I'm a professional.)
A half hour ago, I sent in the revised revised revised manuscript along with a stylesheet (not asked for, but I think they're helpful). I now begin the nerve wracking two-month wait to hear whether they want to rep me. Liz tells me the thing is good, but is it good enough?
We'll find out. In the interim, I will return to JEHOVAH'S HITLIST. That thing is only 40k away from an ending. It would be fun to say "I finished another book while I was waiting for your response. Would you like to take a look at it? (I'm a show off like that.)
Wish me luck.
1 $11.50 for a movie? Are you crazy? I'll stick the the weekend morning shows for $4. Get off my lawn!
2 I saw "Unstoppable" with Rosario Dawson. Helllooooo nurse!
3 Her quartet moved up two spots to 6th place out of 30 something quartets. Phenomenal for their second year together.
4 3 minutes5 in case you're wondering, and you know you were.
5 Yes, you read that right. Minutes. Not days or months. Minutes.
Of course, there was no rush to go home since my wife was in New Brunswick. I decided instead to walk across Boston Common and take in a movie at the AMC1, 2. When the movie was over, I bust out my Palm Pre (smart phone of champions) and check my email to see if my wife had the results of her competition3. She had not, but the agent had.
OH NO! The rejection, it came! Calm down Mr. Pessimist. Maybe they're asking for a full. Ha! Yeah right! This is the agency that holds my personal record for fastest rejection to a query ever4. Of course it's a rejection.
Walking out of the theater, I open my email...
A REQUEST FOR A FULL!!!!!!
Now, I could in all haste send them the finished manuscript. I'm a professional. I wasn't so foolish as to start all this without finishing my work. BUT, this is a big flipping deal. When once this blog held a list of agents I wanted to work with, these people ranked number one. You don't just send a manuscript all willy nilly because they want to see it. You go back over that shit and make it shine like a diamond, like your combat boots with the drill sergeant waiting to look at them. You'll be able to see your reflection in this manuscript when I'm done with it.
So I go back over it. Again. All weekend, this is what I did. I sat in front of my computer, and I pored over this thing to find every typo and unnecessary past progressive verb. Moreover, the super fabulous awesome Elizabeth Poole, beta reader extrodinaire, went back over it in a single day to offer me new comments. (My favorite of her comments was "The tlot thickens!" Of course, this was followed by my own typo, "What he wouldn't give for a clean shit." Awe yeah. I'm a professional.)
A half hour ago, I sent in the revised revised revised manuscript along with a stylesheet (not asked for, but I think they're helpful). I now begin the nerve wracking two-month wait to hear whether they want to rep me. Liz tells me the thing is good, but is it good enough?
We'll find out. In the interim, I will return to JEHOVAH'S HITLIST. That thing is only 40k away from an ending. It would be fun to say "I finished another book while I was waiting for your response. Would you like to take a look at it? (I'm a show off like that.)
Wish me luck.
1 $11.50 for a movie? Are you crazy? I'll stick the the weekend morning shows for $4. Get off my lawn!
2 I saw "Unstoppable" with Rosario Dawson. Helllooooo nurse!
3 Her quartet moved up two spots to 6th place out of 30 something quartets. Phenomenal for their second year together.
4 3 minutes5 in case you're wondering, and you know you were.
5 Yes, you read that right. Minutes. Not days or months. Minutes.