We have the tools! We have the talent!

My wife got me what could be the greatest stocking stuffer of all time.

Yes, that is the greatest utensil ever made, the spork. But it's not just any spork. It's a titanium spork.

That's right. Titanium.

Now you may ask yourself, why would anyone need a titanium spork? And I would say to you, don't be so short sighted! What happens if a madman initiates an armageddon clock right in the middle of a meal time. You need something to jam into the gears to stop them from turning. Will your pathetic stainless steel spoon/fork combination work? No. Plasticwear? Not at all! You need something strong enough to cause those gears to stop turning and collapse the entire diabolical machine.

And what would that be?

Titanium baby. Titanium1. My spork will save the world someday.

1 While I was not always on the titanium bandwagon, when I had trouble finding a wedding band, the jeweler suggested I try a titanium ring and it was perfect. I have since seen the majesty2 of titanium. I am prepared for our clockwork doom and will rise to the occasion when it occurs!

2 By majesty, I mean that should the ring ever be crushed in a horrible traffic accident, the EMTs will have to cut off my finger because they do not have the tools to cut through a titanium ring. If that isn't awesome, I don't know what is.